Is he smiling at you when he watches you at work or complimenting you much more than before? If you are noticing such a difference in his behavior, these might be signs that a man is pursuing you. When falling for someone, we give away our feelings and reveal what we truly want without even realizing it sometimes.
My friend John was once obsessed with his neighbor Chloe. He did not know how to ask her out on a date because he was too shy but he always did enjoy being around her. So John would then look for ways to run into her at the grocery store or make up excuses to spend more time with her. Just like that, even if there are signs he thinks about you all the time, it may not be easy for him to simply blurt it out over lunch. Interestingly, the way his eyes gaze all over you will do the talking for him.
21 Signs That A Man Is Pursuing You And Really Wants To Take It Further
We often reveal what we feel not by what we say but by how we act. The same is true for men as well. From his body language to his sweet words, men have a lot of ways of telling you that he wants to make you his girlfriend. Perhaps he is out there gathering information about your relationship status from your mutual friends before making a move.
Maybe he is revisiting the thoughts of how to ask you out so you can’t say ‘no’, oblivious to the fact that you are sitting here pouting, “He is pursuing me slowly … way too slowly”. Just in case you aren’t entirely sure about his feelings, here is a list to help you figure it out. We give you 21 signs you are being pursued by a man who wants you in his life for good.
1. He ‘accidentally’ touches you often
One of the signs he is smitten by you is when he loves being close to you. Grazing your knee or brushing his arm against yours are only some things he may ‘accidentally’ do when the two of you are hanging out. It could be subconscious or he may just like touching you every now and then. But when a man is truly interested, he starts speaking the male body language of attraction.
And as long as his intentions are honest, his touch is supposed to make you feel good with a bit of tingling in your stomach. Because he may try to make the first move in a very subtle way but he would also be sensitive about your reaction. Any moment this guy gets a hint of your discomfort, he would back off. That’s your cue to decipher whether he seriously likes you or is just lusting after you.
2. His posture is open around you
One of the signs that a man is pursuing you is if he takes your presence quite seriously. With his shoulders and arms uncrossed and his feet wide apart, a man is showing that he is available to you. When he does this, he is not just indicating comfort but is also expressing his attention to you.
A 2016 field study based on 144 speed dating scenarios observed that people with expansive non-verbal postures were more likely to be picked up by the other partner as this posture comes across as confident. So, in a way, you can say that your man is trying to play his charismatic card to charm you!
3. He smiles a lot when you smile
This is because he likes to see you smile. He is not mirroring you to make light of the situation but is doing so because your smile engages him. Your smile can be a big turn-on for the man who is interested in you. He smiles because being with you brings him joy. Here are some compliments for a man’s smile to make him blush!
4. He looks into your eyes
Looking into a person’s eyes is a sexy and underrated way of telling them that you want them. There are studies that prove unbroken mutual gaze has the power to increase feelings of passionate love. A guy can go with thousands of romantic gestures to show his affection. But we think nothing really beats the power of eye-contact attraction in terms of building burning chemistry between his soul and yours.
Looking at a person charmingly is one thing but really making conversation with one’s eyes is another. One of the signs he is chasing you is if he shows you his seriousness with the depth in his eyes.
5. He often invites you over
Looking for signs he sees you as someone special? Keep a tab on how many calls you get from him in a week to see if you want to hang out. A nightcap after dinner may not be too serious and perhaps just a polite offer. But if he invites you over often to make you dinner or just to watch a movie, he might be leaning toward a bit more than just two friends having a fun time.
Let’s face it, people these days don’t have the luxury of leisure to entertain guests frequently. Plus, men only share the comfort of their house on a regular basis with someone they truly want to share it with. So, if you find yourself sipping wine at his place on a Wednesday night, take the hint, he seriously likes you!
6. You feel heard
Even if you’re telling him about a trek you went on with your friends, he will not just listen to your fun stories but will actually care about what those stories say about you as a person. Try playing some fun ‘get to know me’ questions with him and you’ll see how intently he wants to know everything about you. He doesn’t do it out of mere politeness but is willing to take away more from the conversation.
If this guy doesn’t go all big in his romantic acts like going down on his knees to confess his feelings, you may think, “I know he likes me but he is pursuing me slowly”. The truth is that these silent gestures like paying attention to a conversation or asking follow-up questions have “I like you” written all over them.
7. He holds your hand tightly
There actually is quite a difference between holding someone’s hand lightly and holding it more passionately. When you hold it lightly, it comes from a place of fun, attraction, and simply having a good time. When he clutches your hands more lovingly, your man is actually telling you that you mean something important to him. This could even be one of the signs a man wants you to be his girlfriend/boyfriend.
8. He calls you endearing names
Casual encounters do not call for lovey-dovey nicknames. A ‘babe’ here and there is understandable but it usually ends there. One of the signs a man is pursuing you for something more is if he already has cute pet names for you. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships confirms the hypothesis of a correlation between marital satisfaction and idiomatic pet names.
In fact, it suggests that couples married for less than five years are more likely to call their partners by pet names. Picking out adorable couple nicknames like ‘muffin’ and ‘donut’ is a guy’s way of telling you that you are already close to his heart. Now we can’t speak for you but we totally see it as one of the signs he is smitten by you.
9. He plans the dates carefully
Men who are seriously considering taking things further like to take matters into their own hands. They are not going to wait around for time and circumstance to do the trick. Pin it as one of the many signs he is chasing you if he often makes plans for elaborate dates and suggests things for you to do together.
From flowers to candlelight dinners to a day out to your favorite museums in the city, he might just reach the peak of sweet romantic gestures to make you feel special. All the efforts and thought are put in solely because he genuinely wants to spend some good time with you and create wonderful memories on this journey.
10. He takes charge around you
Call it being protective or simply confident, you know you are being pursued by a man when he likes to take charge around you. Men often feel the need to be confident and assertive when they are around the person they like. It could be things like letting you walk on the inner side of the sidewalk or always dropping you off home. While this is often just considered chivalry, there could be more to it, and could be one of his ways to show affection to a partner.
11. Notice his compliments
When a man compliments your appearance, hair, or other things that are obvious and out there, it does not necessarily mean that he wants more from you. It could be just an observation or appreciation. However, if he compliments your innate qualities, natural strengths, and unique talents, it is clear that he sees through you and likes you for who you are.
For instance, my friend Bryan can’t appreciate enough how kind his girl is toward animals. And he would pass his compliments via pet gifts or going to pet-friendly cafes with her to show his support and admiration. If your guy too can’t stop talking about all the things that make you so special, it won’t be too far-fetched to take it as a sign he loves you.
12. There is never a lull in the conversation
When a guy is enjoying your company, he will ensure that no moment goes downhill. He will consciously make the effort to keep the conversation going and keep you engaged. In fact, this gives you a chance to catch up on the signs a man is pursuing you online.
Here’s how – whenever you get on a voice call, there are no long pauses or awkward silence. His quirky sense of humor makes you laugh hard and the conversations are ever-exciting as he voluntarily takes interest in your interests. His voice will sound deep and husky and he will clearly be into the conversation with zero distraction.
13. He can be a little nervous around you
Yes, even being nervous is one of the signs that a man is pursuing you. It can be expressed in a manner where he may stutter, be forgetful, tell a weird joke, or say something out of place. Do not fret because this does not mean that he is awkward in his demeanor.
His original personality is probably the exact opposite of running low on confidence. It could be the first-date jitters he can’t shake off. Or he might just be a little anxious in your presence because of how much he likes you and might be worried about how to impress you.
14. He tries to prove his boyfriend abilities to you
Brings you coffee after work, asks how your day was, or remembers your favorite song and plays it for you in his car – these are the obvious signs he thinks about you all the time. It’s his subtle way of showing off that he is the perfect boyfriend material for you and will do things that people do to show someone you care.
He may even say it out loud like “I’d make such a great boyfriend” or “You aren’t gonna find a better guy for you than me”. See? Not only does he know that he wants you in his life but is also smartly planting the idea in your mind of having an amazing love life with him.
15. He is no longer in touch with his exes
A man who wants to pursue you will deliberately cut all ties with all his ex-flames. He may encounter them as friends but if he has stopped reconnecting with them, his focus is clearly elsewhere – on you. He is ready to move on to a better future and has evolved from his past experiences. As a self-aware guy, he knows what he wants and is ready to go after you. A new chapter in his life awaits him and he is happy to embrace it.
16. He is searching for commitment in his life
Regardless of your relationship with him, you must also notice whether he is individually ready for commitment or not. Is he a commitment-phobe or not? Does he appear to be at a point where he seeks something true, real, and long-lasting and is confident enough to talk about his needs with you? It sure is one of the signs he sees you as someone special and is pining over you.
17. He does not rush physical intimacy
Because he wants so much more! Unlike other men who are more interested in one-night stands, physical intimacy is not the end goal with this guy. He is happy to enjoy it whenever you initiate it. However, waiting for you to be comfortable does not bother or agitate him.
One of the ironic signs a man is pursuing you is when he restrains himself from making advances physically. And it’s not because he is not attracted to you but only because he knows he will be fine without rushing into it. Here’s a great way to find out whether he likes you or just wants to hook up!
18. He dresses to the nines around you
A well-groomed man is a man with a purpose. If he consciously ensures that he looks prim and proper every time he meets you, he might be trying to pursue you. And the best part is that it comes spontaneously – he doesn’t need any specific date or occasion to dress up and look good for you. A man who grooms himself and worries about his looks is a man who wants to leave a lasting impression on you. It clearly shows he wants you to notice him badly.
19. You’ve seen all his sides
One of the signs that a man is pursuing you is when he not only shows you his perfect, winsome side but is also real about the other parts of him. It could be related to his anger, insecurities, past relationships, hurt, or conflicts. If he is willing to openly share and be his true self around you, it is because he needs you to see him for what he is.
20. He is well-versed in your social media
And not in a creepy stalker way that turns you off but in a “I care about the things that matter to you” kind of way. He does not stalk your social media because he is infatuated with you and has a major crush. He does this because your social media speaks a lot about you. So he likes to go through it to pick up cues about you and know you in ways you may not reveal to him in person. What could be a more obvious sign that a man is pursuing you online?
21. He gets jealous but does not make it too obvious
One of the signs that a man is pursuing you is when he gets jealous of other men in your life but does not do it in a way that is too obvious. He clearly wants the prime importance in your life and begrudges anyone who may threaten it. However, he also does not want to scare you off by getting too jealous. Since he is still trying to pursue you, he knows you are not his partner and does not want to make bold assumptions either.
How to respond when a man is pursuing you
A situation of a man pursuing you can be either extremely flattering or highly disturbing, depending on whether he is partnered or not and how YOU feel about him. If the guy in question is still a bachelor, plus you have the hots for him, half our problems are solved right there. Get him to chase you all you want and enjoy the dopamine rush or make the first move, as you wish.
If the situation is reversed, it might be a little tricky to get him off your back. But nothing stays a problem for long since you are here at Bonobology. How to reciprocate a man pursuing you? How do you get a guy to stop chasing you? How to resist a married man you really like? We tell you today.
Responding to an unmarried man whom you like:
- Lean in a little and reciprocate his efforts of impressing you
- Prep a meal for him or get a small gift to show him you care too
- Reveal yourself slowly; keep the mystery alive
- It’s better not to let him see your vulnerable side from the very beginning or you may regret it later
- Meanwhile, try to know him better and see whether he is compatible with you as a romantic partner
Responding to a married man pursuing you:
- First of all, don’t encourage the man unless you are looking for something very casual
- Whatever you feel or want to do with him, make it explicit from day one
- If the guy is not planning to get separated from his family any time soon, it would be wise to swallow your feelings and move on
- Perhaps cutting all ties with him or magnifying his flaws would be helpful in distracting yourself
- Remember, as the other woman or the other man, you might be a part of his infidelity. So, follow what your heart and gut tell you to do
Getting a guy to stop chasing you:
- If you feel annoyed or disturbed by his cheesy attempts of impressing you, just be direct and say it to his face
- Cut all ties, block him on social media. In extreme cases, inform the authorities and ask for a restraining order if you have to see him every day at school or the office
- If he hasn’t crossed your patience threshold yet and maintained out-and-out decency, politely but firmly let him know that you don’t feel the same way
Key Pointers
- Even if a man doesn’t speak about his feelings, non-verbal gestures and body language can give away a lot
- Perhaps he stares into your eyes, smiles a little too much around you, or holds your hands tightly because he secretly likes you
- If he pays attention, takes care of you, and does things to make you feel special, he is going that extra mile to impress you
- Compliments and nicknames are classic signs of a guy pursuing you
- If you like him too, flirt back, mix it up!
- Just take your steps carefully if the man is married because you don’t want to get caught up in something so complicated
Men could be really easy to read if you’re careful and pay a lot of attention to their actions and mannerisms. Your instincts can tell you a lot about a guy’s feelings and intentions based on his actions around you. To be sure, watch out for the signs above and you might just be able to decipher what he really wants from you.
This article has been updated in December 2022.
