Curious about spicing things up in the bedroom with a little consensual restraint play? A pair of sexual handcuffs can “unlock” a whole new side of things for you and your partner—just as long as you have the right ones. Just ask Carol Queen, PhD, a sexologist and historian of the sex toy and accessory brand, Good Vibes, who confirms that oftentimes, bondage restraints with a pair of sexy handcuffs is steamy. “Doing bondage automatically adds the intrigue of power exchange roles [as well as] the thrill of dominance and submission,” she says. Plus, aside from fastening the BDSM cuffs, you don’t have to do anything else differently. “Have sex just like usual, but incorporate restraints. [It] just changes how exciting it can be.”
“Doing bondage automatically adds the intrigue of power exchange roles [as well as] the thrill of dominance and submission,” she says. Plus, aside from fastening the cuffs, you don’t have to do anything else differently. “Have sex just like usual, but incorporate restraints. [It] just changes how exciting it can be.”
Now, Queen says there’s a caveat: consensual restraint needs to happen with the right handcuffs, those specifically designed for safe, pain-free restraint. The ones law enforcement uses? A big no-no. “They…are easy to use incorrectly and thereby cause damage,” Queen says. For that reason, she strictly recommends handcuffs that are made of leather, faux leather, or fabric. “These won’t do the kind of nerve damage that can happen if something goes wrong with handcuffs,” she adds.
- Carol Queen, PhD, sexologist at Good Vibrations
Keep reading for a list of the nine best handcuffs for sex as well as Dr. Queen’s three cuffing tips for BDSM beginners.
- 10 best handcuffs for sex
- handcuffing tips for beginners
10 best handcuffs for sex, for BDSM beginners and pros
- They feature a gorgeous lace design.
- The insides are lined with faux fur for extra comfort.
- They’re adjustable.
- They’re a little hard to put on.
- They’re constructed from vegan leather.
- They moonlight as a stylish bracelet outside of the bedroom.
- They feature an adjustable design.
- The thin style might not be ideal for everyone.
- The cuffs have a wide, 2-inch design.
- The interior is soft and fuzzy for added comfort.
- They come with a chain connector.
- They only come in teal blue.
- They double as a stylish bracelet set.
- The metal hoops are adjustable.
- They’re plated in 18K gold.
- The metal material might not feel as comfortable as other options on our list.
- They’re beginner-friendly.
- They’re made from high-quality charmeuse silk.
- They have a loop for easy fastening.
- They don’t come in additional colors.
- They feature a slip-on design.
- They come pre-knotted.
- They’re completely adjustable.
- They might be a little too advanced for some.
- They’re made of metal but still comfortable.
- You can wash the pink fur covers.
- They have a quick-release lever.
- The lock and key mechanism might not be for everyone.
- They’re budget-friendly.
- They’re made out of soft satin.
- They’re easy to use and beginner-friendly.
- They aren’t a cuff style, which some might prefer.
- They come with a blindfold for added play.
- They’re super versatile.
- The cuffs are thick and padded for extra comfort.
- The blindfold might be too advanced for some preferences.
- They’re comfortable enough for those with sensitive skin.
- The silicone is easy to wash.
- They easily attach to other BDSM accessories.
- They only come with one key per cuff.
A sexologist’s 3 cuffing tips for BDSM beginners
1. Consider what your ideal cuff would do and look like
Think about what kind of style you want and the types of play want to explore in the handcuffs: Do you want to be tied to the bedframe? Do you just want your hands restrained behind your back? Do you want to hand, suspended, in complete submission for your partner?
“Most cuffs can’t be used for suspension bondage, for instance,” she says. As part of this introspective process, Queen suggests reading up on being handcuffed. “Two books that will include info about bondage and more are [Molly Devon’s] Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns ($24) and Tristan Taormino’s Fifty Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM ($18) which is more inclusive.” Get those books on lock.
2. Discuss the experience with your potential partner(s)
“If you have a specific partner in mind, make sure they want to do this kind of play and find out if there are any materials they can’t have next to their skin,” Queen adds. To be sure, you want to have these chats before and during sexual interactions that involve handcuffs. “Negotiation is the most useful and inspiring skill you can learn from BDSM, aside from super-charging your erotic energy,” says Queen.
3. Remember that how tight you fasten the cuffs matters…a lot
“Don’t put the cuffs on too tightly,” Queen says. “This is a huge mistake because too-tight cuffs can cause nerve damage.” To figure out whether or not the cuffs are at a good tightness level, Dr. Queen suggests sliding a finger between the wrist and the cuff, kinda like you’d do when you’re making sure your pet’s collar isn’t choking them.
“If the cuffed person’s hands get cold or numb, release them right away,” she says. During use, make sure the person in the cuffs can communicate how they’re doing. According to Queen, “Some people have mobility issues that make certain kinds of bondage difficult. Don’t force it!”
