The end of a relationship marks the beginning of an immensely challenging period in a person’s life. It takes a great deal of patience and hard work to build yourself back up after you lose your partner. Many struggle to figure out how to feel better after a breakup because the world as they knew it has changed. Who couldn’t use a nudge in the right direction during such a time?
We’re here to address the subject in conversation with emotional wellness and mindfulness coach Pooja Priyamvada (certified in Psychological and Mental Health First Aid from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health and the University of Sydney), who specializes in counseling for extramarital affairs, breakups, separation, grief, and loss, to name a few.
It is important to note that you can heal from a breakup when you still love them. And that’s exactly what we will do together – prioritize your wellbeing. With a little help and guidance, you will be equipped with the right tools to handle the separation. We know it’s a difficult road to walk and we’re here for you every step of the way.
How Long Does It Take To Feel Better After A Breakup?
This is a very common question and everyone wants an expiry date for their pain. Everyone wants to know when they’ll stop hurting. But are things really that simple? Pooja says, “At its core, a separation is an experience of loss that results in grief. And grief has no fixed timeline. There’s no uniform way of dealing with it; some people get over a breakup quickly while others take months and years.
“Hence, the answer is very subjective and differs with each case. You cannot predict when you’ll be okay with any sort of accuracy. But you will know there’s a problem at hand when these negative emotions begin adversely affecting the other areas of your life. That would mean you’re experiencing prolonged grief, which calls for professional help.”
While there’s no way of knowing when you’ll feel better, there are 7 ways of working toward that promised land of emotional stability. You must not fall short from your end; put in the work required and there are bound to be positive results. The most important tool in your arsenal will be an optimistic mindset. Be convinced of the fact that all will unfold for the best.
As renowned entrepreneur Malcolm S. Forbes said, “When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad, they have to get better.” Without further ado, here’s how to feel better after a breakup in 7 simple ways…
How To Feel Better After A Breakup – 7 Expert Ways
Let’s begin by acknowledging the sheer awfulness of breakups. There’s no denying their ability to turn our lives upside down. They exhaust our emotional and physical resources completely and leave us in a state of utter despair. And then there’s the common woe – how can you heal from a breakup when you still love them? We’re going to address all this (and more) with these 7 strategies.
Lend all of them your due consideration because you never know what may be effective. Keeping an open mind is the best thing you can do when you’re trying to cope with post-breakup depression. Feel free to customize these tips as per your circumstances or state of mind; there’s no one-size-fits-all method for healing. Here’s how to feel better after a breakup, as recommended by our expert:
1. Accept and grieve
The first step of healing is the acceptance of grief. Several people grapple with coming to terms with the breakup; they cannot believe how or why it happened. Overcoming denial and embracing the separation is the wisest thing you can do. This will release a steady onslaught of uncomfortable emotions but ripping the band-aid is important.
Pooja explains, “Grieving is extremely important when a relationship ends, more so when it ends badly or without closure. You have to be cognizant of your partner’s role in your life and now of their absence. Post-breakup issues crop up when people are unable to accept the reality of their situation. Do what you must to mourn the loss and do not suppress your emotions. Let them out of your system properly.” Go through the 7 stages of grief after your breakup.
A romantic partner plays multiple parts in your life (friend, companion, traveler, etc.) and their absence is felt all at once in too many spaces. It’s only natural to feel empty, sad, frustrated, or angry. Give voice to those emotions and get comfortable in the knowledge of this emotional mess. You’ve lost a person and it’s painful.
2. Don’t contact your ex
This is a temptation we are all familiar with. The urge to send a text at midnight or call in moments of vulnerability. But ultimately, these actions are damaging for both parties involved. You run the risk of slipping into an on-again-off-again relationship cycle. Can you figure out how to feel better after a breakup when they’re right there on your WhatsApp chat list?
Pooja gives some much-needed perspective, “No-contact is the advice I give to everyone in the breakup recovery period. After the emotions have been processed properly, exes can be friends or colleagues. But in the initial days, it’s a very poor choice. Seeing your ex’s social media feed or their new partner can be a major trigger. You should save yourself the stress and anxiety and maintain distance.”
Do yourself a favor and block your ex on all platforms. Just do it without overthinking. Putting some space between you two is essential; this will allow you to get a clearer picture of the relationship and its end. There’s no scope for objectivity when your ex is still in your virtual environment. Put an end to all means of communication swiftly. (This is the advice we always give to make a person feel better after a breakup.)
3. How to feel better after a breakup? Surround yourself with loved ones
Socializing is an integral step when you want to make yourself feel better after a breakup. But you don’t have to throw yourself at brunches forcefully. Pooja says, “The process of socialization varies from person to person. While some people might thrive in company, few others might need solitude and time alone to process their emotions.
“Needless to say, too much isolation can pull anyone into a dark and depressive space. So, be around others at your own pace but make an attempt eventually.” Nobody feels like being in a big group when they’re trying to keep it together. But your friends and family are the support system you can count on. Let them be there for you. (You know you would help a friend through a breakup if the roles were reversed.)
Return the missed calls and messages on your phone. Maybe let your best friend visit with ice cream. And if you’re feeling like it, go out for dinner with your friends. The purpose of socializing is to remind yourself of the other equally meaningful relationships in your life. You are loved, you are enough, and you are needed.
4. Establish a routine
When you’re feeling at least a little emotionally sorted, start getting your life back in order one step at a time. How to feel better after a breakup in purely practical terms, you ask? Clean the apartment thoroughly, open the windows to let fresh air in, start eating healthy food, go to work on time, get some exercise, and so on. Plan your days and introduce productivity to them. Leave a little room for indulgence and the things that make you happy.
For instance, go to your favorite patisserie and have some dessert. Do anything besides wallowing in misery at home on your couch. Put yourself back in the real world and give it your whole and soul. The energy you directed toward the relationship should be channeled toward your professional and personal advancement. Getting back to the grind can make someone feel better after a breakup.
Pooja wisely reminds us, “Heartbreaks are like fractures, almost everyone goes through them at some point in time. Treat yours like any other setback and don’t take it too personally. Life is much larger than one relationship, even if it doesn’t feel that way now.” Keep these words in mind when you find yourself missing your ex again.
5. What can make someone feel better after a breakup? Seeking professional help
Independence and self-sufficiency are stellar qualities to possess. But how to feel better after a breakup when you’re not okay by yourself? As you battle the thoughts of your ex, consider reaching out to a mental health expert who can help you embark on the path to recovery. None of us have the faculty of identifying our emotional baggage or unresolved issues.
Pooja explains, “People must seek guidance from therapists, counselors, and life coaches as the need be. A breakup is a traumatic incident and most individuals need additional support to get over it. Therapy goes a long way in bettering one’s emotional health.” If you’re considering seeking help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel of experts are here for you.
They can help you assess your situation better and provide you with the right means to make yourself feel better after a breakup. Be kind to yourself throughout this journey; no one expects you to be back on your feet overnight. We remember the words of author and artist Mary Anne Radmacher: “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”
6. Be open to novel experiences
Here’s another idea that can make a person feel better after a breakup: openness to new experiences. Dabbling in novel hobbies and pursuits can be a good way to keep yourself occupied. Pooja says, “Depending on the kind of person you are, engaging in new things will feel productive or draining. Give it a go and see if it is compatible with your state of mind.” You probably feel like you’ll be alone forever but that’s not true.
Is there something you’ve been meaning to do for a while? A language you’ve been wanting to learn? Undertake your own Eat, Pray, Love journey and step out of your comfort zone. This will be a great exercise in self-growth as well as self-awareness. Once you start exploring things, you’ll learn more about your likes and dislikes. Get to know yourself all over again by expanding your horizons.
7. Love yourself
Pooja explains, “The first step is self-care – identifying what you need at the moment. And the second step is self-love – appreciating yourself. Start making decisions that are conducive to both of these. Focus on what works for you and propels you forward. Your compass should be centered on yourself.” Cultivating habits of self-love will make someone feel better after a breakup immensely.
A relationship often requires us to put our partner’s needs first. It will be a refreshing change to solely think of yourself. Practice mindfulness through affirmations, meditation, yoga, or journaling. Arrive at a place of self-contentment where you can think about the relationship without anger or resentment. Exercise gratitude for the numerous blessings in your life. This is precisely how to feel better after a breakup.
Did these suggestions resonate with you? We hope they help you through these exacting times. Concentrate on yourself and only good things are in store for you. Bonobology has complete faith in you… Keep coming back to us for more on love, relationships, and well, everything else!
