You might not be ready for a serious relationship. Maybe you want to focus on your career? Whatever your situation, there is plenty of reason to take a break from finding the one. But since you don’t want to hurt anyone, you are wondering if it is OK to date just for fun.
The upside of dating
You get the chance to meet many different kinds of men. The dates are usually centered around doing something nice like an activity or a dinner. But when you know that this guy is not the right person for you, can you still go on a second date?
Let’s find out.
My personal story
I was casually seeing a guy. I knew I didn’t want anything further with him. His spiritual side didn’t vibe with the way I view life. For example, he believed in ghosts, and my approach is more scientific.
Also, he was one of those guys who were not good at cooking, cleaning, shopping for groceries, or doing the dishes. In fact, he told me that all of those tasks were a woman’s job. He could, at the most, consider going out with the trash.
It was a bit like having a child. Well, without all the perks of, you know, having a child.
I was honest
Since I’m a nice person, I told him upfront that he could never be my boyfriend.
But he kept showing up wherever I went. Often he showed up outside my door with the offer of sex and a nice evening. The sex, I’m happy to rapport, was good.
I was up for the fun
He also kept suggesting different fun things we could do together. If I wanted to do the activity, I went along. One could say we dated just for fun.
If you read to the end, I will tell you how this particular story ended.
Can you guess?
Are you dating one person or multiple people?
You might object to my little story and say that you have no intentions of stringing someone along. If he is not the right guy, you will not spend months of your life sleeping with him.
You just want to make the most of Tinder, Bumble, or any other dating app.
What you want is to get out there, meet people and have fun. You want to have a couple of drinks and try out a couple of cool new restaurants.
Fair enough, to prepare for having the most amount of fun on any first date, read our First date conversation tips.
Tell him how you feel
If this is your objection, you can give the guys in question a small hint in your dating profile. In fact, just looking for a fun time is how many men approach dating. They want to meet an interesting woman and have a good time. They don’t think about the endgame.
Be upfront with your feelings, and it will be OK to date just for fun.
Tell the men you do meet that you are not looking for anything serious at the moment. You just want to enjoy yourself and explore.
When is it not OK to date just for fun?
Many men out there want to meet someone and settle down. And yes, in those cases, it’s not OK to be dating just for fun. The guy who wants a girlfriend or even a wife will put in a lot of effort to try and win you over.
He will work hard to impress you
He will pay for dinner and drinks and spend his time thinking about fun activities the two of you can do together. Not only will he show you a good time, but he will also share intimate things about himself.
When men are seriously interested in a woman, they often try to show her their true self and tell her things they usually don’t talk about.
If he is the serious type on a mission to find his dream woman, it would be outright cruel to date him just for fun.
Walk the line
If you want to date just for fun, it’s important that you only date guys with the same objection. You don’t want to have someone fall in love with you and break his heart.
The only problem with this strategy is that people are not always honest about their intention. Sometimes we are not even aware of our true intention. A guy can tell you that he is OK with keeping things casual, but secretly he will wish for you to fall in love with him. He will want you as his girlfriend.
Be aware of how your actions come across
Even if you clearly communicate your intention, you can still end up hurting someone. Your words tell him something, but your actions tell him something different.
The nicer you are, the more he will like you
You can say to a guy that you only want to date for fun. But if the two of you spend a lot of quality time together, your actions will actually tell him the opposite.
If you behave like his girlfriend, he might think that you indeed want to be his girlfriend, but you are afraid of intimacy and commitment. (Maybe you are? Only your therapist can answer that question.)
Sending mixed signals
This is the same as sending mixed messages. I’m sure you had a guy like that in the past. He said he didn’t want anything serious, but the way he cuddled you and made you breakfast every morning told a different story. Which part of his behavior did you trust? Did he hurt you?
Are you risking hurting the other person by dating just for fun?
If you feel a guy catching feelings for you, you should abort the mission and find someone who is only after easygoing fun.
You can catch feelings when you date just for fun
Yeah, we have all been there. Things started out very casual. You were dating just for fun. The guy was not your type. Not at all. He was not what you were looking for. His jokes were not especially funny. You were in control. But then things started to shift.
You will forget all the reasons why he is not the right man
In fact, you had too much fun. You had so much fun that you got attached to all that fun. The source of your good times started to look increasingly more handsome. The qualities you previously had found annoying suddenly seemed charming. The sex was outstanding.
You forgot that he was unemployed, lived with his parents, and spent his days playing video games and smoking weed.
One day you realized that you were in love and that you should stop seeing him. The withdrawal was brutal.
If it’s not with the right person, it might not be that much fun
Life is fun. Going skinny dipping in the moonlight is fun, having a picnic is fun, biking around town is fun. Having sex is most definitely fun.
But if you are together with the wrong person, none of those activities are especially fun. Going on yet another date with someone when there is absolutely no chemistry is uninteresting. You probably wish that you had stayed home with a thought-provoking book and a cup of tea.
In fact, the right activity with the wrong person can feel so much worse than if you just had done it by yourself.
How about spending quality time with yourself?
Dating the wrong person can be fun. It all depends on how you would have treated that time on your own? Maybe you are uncomfortable with the notion of doing things alone, and that’s why you feel attracted to the idea of dating just for fun?
Ask yourself if you need a date. What about just spending time with yourself? Could you go to a nice restaurant and have a meal by yourself?
Just make sure you don’t date just for fun because you feel lonely on your own. Here is our guide on How to enjoy being single.
Question your own motives
If you feel like you are not ready for a serious relationship, that’s OK. But since you are asking if it is OK to date just for fun, you should be aware that it might not be OK toward yourself.
We tell ourselves all kinds of lies to protect ourselves. We tell ourselves that we don’t want a relationship when we, in fact, do.
Are you afraid of love?
Sometimes we keep ourselves busy with other aspects of our lives to protect ourselves from the emotional turmoil that comes with trying to find a person to love. We tell ourselves that we are too busy to have a relationship, and our career is too important, but the truth is that we are afraid. Falling in love is scary. Putting your heart in someone else’s hands is risky.
A serious relationship and you?
So, I want to make sure that you don’t want to date just for fun because you subconsciously think that’s all you deserve.
Make sure you check in with yourself and question your own motives and the stories you tell yourself.
Dating just for fun is a good way to find out about your likes and dislikes
So, with that warning out of the way, I admit that dating for fun can be a lot of fun.
Since you are not trying to impress the man in question, you can relax and be yourself. You are not trying to achieve something, so instead of being a man-vetting-machine, you can be present and fun and goofy.
Taste the different flavors
The world is full of attractive, interesting men, and they are all different from each other. There is a certain charm in every one of them.
You can have lemon sorbet one day, and strawberry cake the next, and why not take an extra scope of chocolate mousse?
You will find out new and surprising things about yourself. This approach is the right way to date just for fun. Another huge upside to dating just for fun is that you will get a lot of practice in flirting.
Sharpen those flirting skills
Check out our guide How to flirt with a man, use the techniques, perfect your flirting skills, and come up with your own techniques.
The end of my story
After almost a year of casually dating Mr.-not-right, I meet someone. I quickly fell in love with him, his body, his mind, the way he made me dinner every single night. (He was a chef.)
I told the casual-guy what had happened. Surprisingly he got drunk and told me that he had thought that we would get a house, get married, and have kids.
I was genuinely surprised. Despite all my intelligence, I did not see that one coming.
I never thought about his feelings
Since I didn’t spend much time thinking about my casual-guy, I never looked at the situation from his perspective. I didn’t suspect that he was in love with me. It turns out he was hoping for so much more, and now, looking back at the situation, I did not treat him the way he deserved to be treated.
So, when you ask if it is OK to date just for fun, be a bit careful. Even if the other person tells you that everything is fine, you can’t be sure that everything is OK.
A Final note
Now that you know all the ups and downs of dating just for fun, you will be able to avoid the mistakes and enjoy the ride. Go out there, flirt, laugh, and be your true adventurous self.
