The quick and foolproof way to get him out of your mind
When you first break up with someone, it might feel impossible to get over them. You feel that no matter what happens, you will be tied to them forever. You can’t imagine not thinking about them, not loving them. But trust me, there is a way. I’m going to explain exactly what to do. If you just follow my advice, you will get over your ex. And it will be as effortless as it possibly can be to get over someone.
Put the spotlight on his negative sides
Write a list of ten negative things about your ex and the relationship between the two of you.
Whenever you think about your ex, refer back to this list and gently remind yourself why he wasn’t the right guy for you.
Fall out of love by writing the list
The more concrete you can be when you write those ten things, the faster the process will be. Writing this list will ensure that you fall out of love with your ex fast.
You will no longer have any feelings for him whatsoever, and you will be able to move on. Scroll down to see real-life examples of what the list can look like.
This technique works best if you still have a lot of positive feelings toward your ex, but it also works if you are angry with your ex. Because anger still means that you have feelings for him.
The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. If you didn’t have warm feelings for your ex, you wouldn’t hate him so much and be angry with him.
Regardless, the solution is to get rid of those warm feelings, and the anger will dissolve as a result of it.
A romanticized picture
When you are no longer together with someone, you often start to romanticize them and the relationship. You forget how things really were. When you think about your ex, you only think about the good things.
Does this sound familiar?
We are natural-born optimists
This mechanism is natural. It’s healthy to want to remember everything that was enjoyable. Being wired this way makes life a more pleasant experience. It’s also a survival mechanism. We become more inclined to take on challenges.
You want to forget about the painful parts
You keep thinking about everything that was fantastic and all the possibilities. But in doing so, you overlook the painful and hurtful things that also transpired.
The fact that you chose to focus on the positive aspects shows that you are a person who doesn’t want to become engulfed in bitterness. It makes you emotionally healthy.
Romanticizing is addictive
On top of that, every time you remember some of the great things the two of you did together, your body releases dopamine, and you get a shot of happiness, and that happiness is connected to him.
Your body naturally wants more happiness. Dopamine is addictive in the sense that we want more of the things that make us feel good.
You get stuck in the past
In this case, by remembering positive, sweet things about your ex and the relationship, you are training yourself, mentally and physically, to get pleasure from past experiences. You drug yourself with memories.
Positive thoughts make it hard to move on
But this mechanism in which your mind takes care of you also makes you stay connected to your ex. It makes the process of falling out of love with him much longer and much more painful.
Find clarity
If you are not ready to move on, and perhaps even want to try and get your ex back, read our guide on How to get your ex-boyfriend back. If you are unsure about your decision, look at our article Should I break up with my boyfriend?
The solution on how to get over your ex fast
If you, on the other hand, want to get to the end of this dark tunnel as soon as possible, I have the right recipe for you. And it is ridiculously easy.
The only thing you have to do is write a list of ten negative things about your ex. Those things can be about him, or they can be about your relationship. Usually, it’s a mix of the two.
The more negativity, the better
If you can write more than ten things, even better. The process of getting over him and meeting someone new will be a lot faster.
Examples of other women’s lists
For inspiration, I’ll give you a couple of examples that you could add to the list. These are real-life examples from other women who have already tested this method.
I’ve only taken three things from each woman, but it should give you a good idea for your own list, and help to understand why the relationship of those women didn’t work out.
Examples from women who got over their ex fast
Daniella
1. He was an alcoholic.
2. He didn’t want more children.
3. He never had any money.
Ewa
1. He was very egoistic, in all aspects of his life.
2. He didn’t like to give oral sex.
3. He didn’t give me a birthday present, not one single time in 5 years together.
Sara
1. He never wanted to have sex.
2. He never cleaned.
3. He didn’t keep a job for more than two months.
Ronda
1. He seemed more in love with his phone than me.
2. Sometimes it took him days to answer a simple text, sometimes he didn’t answer at all.
3. He treated his parents like they were a huge inconvenience.
How to do it?
Write the list with a real pen on real paper. Once completed, keep the list close to you. One of my friends put her list on the fridge. You don’t have to do that, but I recommend having the list in your handbag or next to you on your bedside table.
Read the list often. At least once a day.
A list will help you become less bitter
I admit the list can come across as bitter, but that is also what makes the list fun. It’s so much condensed bitterness that it becomes humorous.
Writing a list of all your exes’ negative qualities actually has the opposite effect of giving in to bitterness. Instead of letting those feelings grow inside you, writing a list means taking out your resentments into the daylight.
Writing them down puts distance between you and the different emotions you are going through.
When you have the list, you can move on
Having the list makes it possible for you to put it down and walk away. You distance yourself a bit from all that hurt and disappointment. I also recommend reading the list to a couple of friends. Ask them to make a list about their exes.
Have a laugh about it. Come up with more things, compare the lists.
Keep reminding yourself about who he truly was
When you feel tempted to think nice romantic thoughts about your ex, just bring your mind back to the list.
Ponder on the different points you’ve made on the list. Think back to the times when these issues manifested themselves in concrete situations.
You can do a bit of journaling about those different incidents if you want.
Some additional benefits of writing up a list
By writing things down, you also acknowledge the emotional impact they had on you. You stand up for yourself, you admit that he did hurtful things. You recognize that he didn’t take care of you, your feelings and needs, the way you imagined that the right man would do.
The list makes you see things clearly
All that blurry discomfort you have been trying to push away with good memories becomes apparent when you have the list. Re-read the list. And when you know the list by heart, read it one more time.
It’s OK to remember all the great things
Also, remember that you are allowed to think positive things about your ex. You can even think about all the things you had in common, all the fun you had.
To completely shut down that side of the story would be disingenuous and counter-productive. Just let the list replace some of those nice pleasant thoughts. You are already on the right path. You’ve created the list.
The relationship didn’t work out
Don’t make a list of his positive qualities. Some of my friends insisted on doing this. Though it is a fun exercise, I don’t recommend it.
Everyone has good and bad qualities, but to get over someone, you have to focus on their bad qualities. You have to focus on why your relationship didn’t work out and why he wasn’t the right man for you.
More tips on how to get over your ex fast
There is only one thing that will make you get over your ex, and that is time. Time is your friend. Time is a great thing. It just keeps moving regardless of whether you participate or not.
Time will heal you
There is no saying how much time is the right amount of time to get over someone. Just acknowledge the fact that it will take time to get over him. Then stand back and let time go by.
Reconnect with yourself again
Another good idea is to do something meaningful with this time. It is also perfectly fine to do nothing and let time just pass by itself. But if that approach is too passive for you, you have to focus on yourself.
Think about things you have always wanted to do. Also, think about who you want to be. Focus on what kind of person you want to become moving forward.
Write another list, this time about you
Write another list of things you want to achieve. It should be a combination between small things and big things. Come up with some cool projects for yourself. Occupying yourself with creative projects is the best way to pass the time.
The choices are endless
Grow a garden, attend a pole-dancing class, find a therapist, try a new language. Do things that connect you with who you were before the relationship and who you will be long after the relationship is a vague memory.
We all have a core personality with passions, values, and interests. Those love affairs are ours, regardless of how much time passes. Focus on the eternal side of you.
Flirt or date to get over your ex faster
The next step is to get out a bit. Try flirting. Get your feet wet. It will feel painful. But it will give you a perspective. At first, everyone will seem so much more boring than your ex. And you will have no feelings. But it’s part of the process.
Even if it’s just a distraction
Start small. It can be as simple as an unexpected smile. You don’t have to date. Just try to see positive qualities in someone else. Trying your hands at flirting or dating will give your brain something else to focus on.
We are wired to focus on the future. So, if you give your brain a little bit of work, it will pay you back with fewer thoughts about your ex and more focus on what is happening in your life right now.
A final note
A love story is an addiction. A sweet, satisfying addiction that sometimes ends in heartbreak and painful withdrawal symptoms. The period after a breakup is a form of rehab. You have to replace all the meaning you got from the relationship with other meaningful things.
You have to heal, and you have to learn to be alone and to be fulfilled by yourself and your own company. If you take this quest as a challenge that you are capable of handling, you will grow stronger.
